My Conversation with President Obama about Health Care

By Ronald Ayers 

When the United States Supreme Court ruled recently that President Barak Obama’s Patient Protection and Affordable Health Care Plan was unconstitutional under the Commerce Clause of the U.S. Constitution, but constitutional as a tax via the taxing authority of the U.S. Congress, Obama called me up, and said he wanted to talk with me about his seminal legislative accomplishment.

Columnist: Ronald Ayers

Obama and I met in the old President’s Lounge on East 75th street in Chicago.

Obama ordered a Lowenbrau beer, and I poured myself a drink of Wild Irish Rose from the wine bottle I had hid in my back pocket.

“What’s up Pres?” I said as I surreptitiously took a sip of my Wild Irish Rose.

Obama had wrinkles in his brow. His face was twisted with a discontented grimace.

“Thanks for meeting with me Ron.”

 “No problem Barak.” I said. “I’m always ready to help a president that has as many problems as you have.”

 “My health care plan—Obamacare—“

 “Yeah, what about it?” I said.

  “It is a poorly conceived and irresponsible piece of legislation.” Said Obama.

 “Damn Man! I’m glad you’re finally seeing the light! You should of spoke up before the Supreme Court weighed in on the matter don’t you think?.”

 “Know you right Ron. But I’m going to make everything right. I’m gonna make the American people happy about my Obamacare.”

“You’re scaring me Barak. What you gonna do?

 “If the voters give me a second term as president, the first thing I’m gonna do is strike down my unjust law.”

  “Hey Barak! You’re really having an epiphany! Here drink some of this Wild Irish Rose. What else you gonna do about your health care mess?”

 “I want voters going to the polls in November to know that if they reelect me, they will not have to face the consequences of my bloated oppressive act,” said Obama.

BARAK I see You! © 2007

BARAK I see You! © 2007 (Photo credit: id3)

 “Barak, my man! Here take another shot of this Rose. You talking my kinda talk now brother!”

Obama pushed his beer aside. He took the glass of Wild Irish Rose I’d poured him, and drank it all down with one gulp.

“Word, Barak.” I said.

“I see the light now,” said Barak with a far away look in his blood shot eyes. “My thousand page law is a monstrosity! It’s not only an attack on our current health care system, It’s an attack on our core values and what it means to be an American. If reelected, my second term will not destroy the American values of free enterprise, and free markets!”

 “Barak, my man! Listen. While you having all these epiphanies and shit, you think you could pass a law that would give me an increase on my SSI check?”

 “Sure Ron. I can do that. It’s the least I can do for man that listens as well as you do,”

“My man,” I said as I poured Barak another glass of Wild Irish Rose.

Boot Allen, the owner of the Presidents was tending bar. He saw me filling  Obama’s glass with wine, and came running down the bar to where we sat.

“Hey Ron. You know you can’t sit on my bar and pour alcohol that you bring in here from outside!”

President Obama raised a hand and waved “Boot” off.

“Ain’t no thang Boot. Ron’s with me.” Said Obama.

“Anything you say Mr. Obama.” Said Boot. “You the man.”

“It sounds like you’ve taken a page out of Mitt Romney’s campaign book with this repeal Obamacare epiphany you’re having,” I said.

Barak grabbed me by the collar, pulled me up out of my seat and punched me in the head.

“Romney ain’t got nothing to do with this!” screamed Obama. “I’m gonna repeal my health care plan because it’s the right thing to do. You hear me!”

“Hey bro Barak! Whatever you say. You the man!”

“I’m going to say it in plain English where even a dumb son of a bitch like  you can understand! I will not let Obamacare stunt job growth, drive up the cost of health care, and cripple the economy! I simply won’t let it happen!

“Come November, should I be reelected, it will be my great pleasure to walk into the Oval Office, take my pen in hand and sign a big get the fuck outta here repeal of that bullshit health care law the Supreme Court said was a constitutional tax!

“My man.” I said. I poured President Obama another glass of Wild Irish Rose.

“While you’re repealing health care, don’t forget to sign an increase in my SSI check.” I said. 


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About Ronald Ayers

Ron Ayers is a freelance blogger and humor writer living in Blue Island, Illinois.
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